Category Archives: No. 139
“Frankly, we at Nature Valley find this behavior a violation of our product, and Torrey’s eating habits in no way reflect the kind of consumer we wish to attract,” said John Baringer, president of public relations at Nature Valley. “Seriously, what a goddamn ape.”
“Only cost 3.4 billion and four separate construction crews…”
The study, authored by Dr. Kevin Fisher, stunned the medical community by hypothesizing a correlation between consumption of pork by-product and negative health effects, regardless of any charitable intent behind consuming said pork by-product.
“It’s not our fault we only have six private jets – blame the manufacturer.”
The FDA has attached an air of danger and rebellion to a product that makes its users look like they’re smoking a fucking kazoo.
Is the wage gap between campus publications a result of discrimination? The underlying cause is uncertain, but jumping to conclusions in the absence of proof is totally logical.
The hackers were charged with teaching the NUIT staff how to properly use a computer, starting with basic functions like adjusting the volume and plugging in a keyboard.