Category Archives: No. 147
It’s that time of year once again. Hundreds of t-shirts exhibiting zero graphic design skill will descend on the quad like a swarm of, well, sorority girls, or at least future ones anyway.
Weinberg senior Julia Zorn, Huff’s tour guide, was so distracted she only reminded her group that Northwestern is a “world-class institution” eight times instead of the required nine.
By week four, Justin was beginning to point out flaws in the grad student’s handwriting.
“I didn’t think the disease would ever reach this area, but I guess this goes to show that all it takes is one carrier,” bemoaned Kondriak.
“I don’t think sex is necessary for a hookup,” argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. “It’s got to get to third base though.”
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
“Our team was literally supposed to be amazing now that we beat Wisconsin. I don’t think I can handle all this disappointment.”