Category Archives: No. 179
After years of what Turman’s mother referred to as “boring, missionary sex,” she was finally ready to “take off the mom jeans and put on the edible underwear.”
As she packed her bag to return to her rural Wisconsin home, sources report that she confided to a friend that she “feels insanely stupid” at Northwestern.
“I felt that all the running on the football field and high-fiving everyone in sight was just a bit too childish for me. I believe it’s time to focus on more serious things.”
Social media accounts linked to the terrorist group posted a statement that in part read: “let this attack be a message to all infidels and pre-meds: no GPA is safe from our jihad!”