Category Archives: Local
According to witnesses, Johnny opened up his laptop’s documents folder to find the resume he had used to apply to work at as a grocery store stock boy five years prior.
“How did he get such a good idea? If I ever get a girlfriend, I know what movie I’ll watch.”
“Thinking of cleaning out the old fridge,” Orozco said in a 3:21 a.m. tweet. “Want to wait until the time is right, though.”
Many sources have speculated that this development will surely be good for Northwestern morale.
“I’ll try to cut down the foreplay to the first two seconds so we can get right into the action.”
“After the time came for the short answer section, the tapping went from ‘Amateur Drum Solo’ to ‘Pissed-Off Flock of Woodpeckers.’”
Women should be able to not have sex if they don’t want to, Holbrook said, provided that they’ll still do “stuff under the table at Chili’s.”
“There’s nobody sexier or more financially solvent than you, baby, and this Valentine’s Day I want you to feel special.”
“Honestly it’s just been me spending more time at home and making married life feel less empty, but it’s definitely for the best.”