“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
Category Archives: Politics
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
“As soon as we saw the angry Twitter posts and op-ed articles in The Daily Northwestern, we knew that our event was a major success.”
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
After grabbing an unmarked yogurt from the company refrigerator, he knew he had to speak up against the injustice.
Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.
Coulter felt like she was a changed woman after definitely having experienced what some of the “urbanites” do.
“A few days before the election, our headquarters were broken into. I almost didn’t notice until I tripped on a heavily annotated copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot.”