“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
Category Archives: Sci/Tech
“Games such as Raft Wars and the World’s Hardest Game will be the new norm, rather than the old useless resources such as CTECs and class descriptions.”
“Couldn’t some of Northwestern’s Hamilton ticket budget go to making a class registration site that doesn’t look like it was made in 1997?”
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
According to onlookers, the UChicago adjunct balled up his fist—full of scientific curiosity—and punched the “already-sobbing, tomato-faced little shit” square in the face.
CLEVELAND – From the ashes of recent tragedy, a new study out of Case Western Reserve University seems to confirm the not-wholly-unexpected fact that theatre majors are, indeed, flammable. The experiment sparked national attention when it was first published in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine earlier this month, taking heavy criticism for its potentially discriminatory attitude towards ESFJs—as measured by Myers-Briggs—and for its possibly unethical potential for grievous bodily harm caused by combusting theatre majors. Working off preliminary data
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.
In his research, Dr. Critter has studied numerous incidents where Northwestern students have repeatedly done things that are “just plain stupid.”
Limb envy often occurs when a child is missing control over their legs or lower body, whether due to a birth defect or accident.