“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
Category Archives: World
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
“I just wanted to make Northwestern look like it has more global outreach. To be honest, I don’t even know if Qatar is a real country.”
‘The Maid of Orléans did what most teenagers do and lit up at least once, according to our historical data.”
Sources report that this revelation occurred when he saw Donald Trump insult veterans, Muslims, Republicans, and fucking babies in just the past week.
EVANSTON – In a gracious attempt to do its part in the increasingly turbulent Syrian refugee crisis, Northwestern University has offered to take in up to 25 Syrian families and host them in unoccupied rooms in Bobb Hall, but upon visiting their prospective homes, the selected families promptly declined. Bobb RA Meera Nahas was chosen to show the families around Northwestern last week, and he says they seemed largely pleased with the beauty of the campus. “That’s until I took
The situation in France has worsened to a point that FOX News, yesterday, just decided to announce that in the scheme of things, “France is DEAD.”
Canadian McGriff fails to make it into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Oh, no Canada.
“It was outrageous!” said Andrei Karamazov, while knocking back a flask of clear liquid that he insisted was “potato soup.”