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Knicks Replace Team with Life-Size Replicas

February 24, 2010

NEW YORK CITY — In an effort to further reduce payroll, the Knicks have traded all of their remaining players for cheaper replicas. The replicas are life size models and realistic in nearly every respect. It takes a very trained eye to notice the difference. Avid Knicks fan Spike Lee has been attending games for [...]

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Posted in No. 29, Sports, Year 2Comments (0)

NU Unveils Updated iPhone App, Enables Direct Chat With Morty

February 20, 2010

Will Also Include Coverage of Thirsty Thursdays, Hangover GPS

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Posted in Local, No. 28, Sci/TechComments (0)

Diary of Anne Frank Stored Away in Secret Annex

February 20, 2010

CULPEPPER COUNTY, VA – Parents in the Culpepper County school system have called for a ban of Anne Frank’s erotic novel, The Diary of a Young Girl: The Definitive Edition. Based on the accounts of a young Jewish girl, the book contains some of the Frank’s most sexually explicit thoughts. Reportedly, a passage made mention [...]

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Posted in No. 28, PoliticsComments (0)

Medill 2030 Shifts Focus to Students Pursuing Other More Profitable Careers

February 20, 2010

EVANSTON – With newspapers more commonly used nowadays to cover up Keg-induced vomit or Stephen Demos’ tears, the Medill School of Journalism announced yesterday that it plans to alter its curriculum to keep pace with the modern world. Medill 2030 gets rid of the old stuff nobody cares about (like writing and reporting), replacing its previous [...]

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Posted in Local, No. 28Comments Off

NU Emergency Notifications Drunk-Texts NU Student Body

February 06, 2010

EVANSTON – WCAS junior Jason Rivers has received many text messages since he purchased an iPhone two years ago, but none stranger than the one he received during his Organic Chemistry class last Tuesday. “WHADDUP NORTHWESTERRRRRRN!” the message read. “Thers a dudewith a gunn n shit so watchouttt.” Rivers, like many other NU students, has been [...]

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Blue Team and Gold Team Play Football Game, Reports Area Girlfriend

February 06, 2010

EVANSTON – A team wearing blue uniforms and a team wearing gold uniforms played a football game last Sunday, according to SESP senior Cailey Rapp. “There was a bunch of running involved,” explained Rapp, whose boyfriend Ezra Dowd is a diehard gold team fan. “At one point, all the men in the room started yelling,” explained [...]

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The Flipside Is On Finals Week Hiatus

Earthquake Hits Chile, U.S. out of Fundraising Ideas

ISOC Cracks Down on Performance-Enhancing Hugs

Knicks Replace Team with Life-Size Replicas

Posted in No. 29, Sports, Year 2Comments (0)

NU Unveils Updated iPhone App, Enables Direct Chat With Morty

Posted in Local, No. 28, Sci/TechComments (0)