Northwestern Flipside » 4/20

Netflix Runs Out of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle on 4/20

Sam Gutelle — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 05:37:59 +0000

LOS GATOS, CA—Users of the popular DVD distribution service Netflix were up in arms on Monday after the company ran out of copies of the popular comedy “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle,” a film popular with stoners all over the globe.

“Like, dude,” area Netflix user Ben Mellon told The Flipside, “not seeing “Harold and Kumar” on 4/20 totally messes with my chi. That one scene where they get the White Castle burgers is sweeeeet.”
Netflix spokesman Adam Field offered an explanation for the shortage of DVDs. “We usually get spikes like this around the time of the year a movie becomes relevant. Two weeks ago, as Easter approached, The Passion of the Christ was in high demand. Last week, during sex week, I’d like to see you try to find a copy of Muffy the Vampire Layer. These things happen.”

Stoners have found various ways to cope with the loss of their cult classic. Mellon explained that his girlfriend had received Milk from Netflix. “I tried to get high and watch, but that shit was dull. Made me real thirsty, too. Mmm. Milk.”

Another pair of stoners were admitted to Evanston Hospital after they attempted to ride a cheetah, imitating a famous scene from the film. After failing to find a cheetah, they attempted to ride a car instead. They are in critical but stable condition and are expected to remain in the hospital for the next couple of days.

Oh Shit, It’s 4/20!

Scott Grindy — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 05:34:42 +0000

EVANSTON—Oh shit it’s 4/20! Shit shit shit! What time is it? Holy 11:37!? That means I have … let me see … carry the three … 12 hours and 33 mi…no wait 12 hours and 24 minutes to smoke!

Where’s my stash, closet closet closet … crap it’s all gone! Must be Josh, that fucking weed-stealing d-bag, fucking stole all my fucking weed … where can I get some bud? Let me call Karl, he’ll have some … connecting … dammit connect! Karl! Karl it’s Doog! How’s it hangin broski … listen, dude, do you have any weed by any chance? C’mon man, it’s 4/20, can you help me score? YES sweet okay let me write it down … 3-8-6-6-7-9-9-0 Fairview Blvd. Okay sweet, thanks dawg!

Okay, I gotta get to this house man! What time…12:04!? I need to get there quick! Shit! Ummm … bike where’s my bike? Rack … no … garage … no … lawn … yes! Okay we are in gear. Okay, turn left, where’s Fairview, where’s Fairview, BIG TRUCK OH SHI

Vending Machines Stocked In Preparation of 4/20

Andrew Gresik — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 05:32:43 +0000

EVANSTON—With April 20th looming, as every year, just on the heels of April 19, vending machines across the country are being restocked and fortified against the impending onslaught of stoners who “could really go for some Ho-Hos right now.” In dorm buildings and break rooms everywhere, vending machine companies are seeking to prepare themselves for the sudden demand for their services that occurs every year on Hitler’s birthday, knowing full well that insufficient preparation could lead to disaster.

It is widely believed in the vending machine industry that, if a shortage of snack-sized junk food were to occur, the resulting turmoil would cause bank software to reset to the year zero, effectively ending modern society as we know it. “Forget the Y2K Bug,” says industry analyst C. Frito McPherson, “the 420 Bug is a reality and it is something that the vending machine industry has fought to prevent for years. Personally, I keep a stash of premium single-serving snacks in a special shelter behind my house. Should we fail, heaven forbid, to meet the demands of the baked masses on 4/20, I’ll be ready. You should be too.”

To prevent mass panic as awareness of the potential for vending machine failure spreads, the Discovery Channel has announced that a special episode of Survivor Man will be created, in which Les Stroud will have to navigate a simulated, post-4/20 wasteland. Frito-Lay and Hostess will also be providing complementary vending machine supplement packs in high-risk areas.