Tag Archives: basketball
“This isn’t what we’ve come to expect from the team. I’m really not sure how to explain it”, said head coach Chris Collins, visibly perplexed by the team’s current record of 16-4.
“Even though I often envy schools like North Carolina and Syracuse for their rich basketball traditions and tournament success this year, I also recognize the value of basic literacy.”
Law originally injured his labia over the summer during an overly passionate routine morning workout. Ever since then the injury has been gradually worsening, due to overuse of his labia.
I was heartbroken when we were robbed from a chance at a bowl game (I thought being such a big contender in the Big 10 would at least get us SOMETHING) but at least we won the Land of Lincoln trophy!
Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
“Yeah, I can’t say we really understand it,” said Northwestern Men’s basketball head coach Chris Collins, referring to the sudden arrival of the player of his dreams, not the devastating meteorological phenomena currently wracking the globe. “We’re just thrilled to have him.”
WAUKESHA, WI — Jordan Stralisky was surprised to learn during Wildcat Days that the city of Chicago is visible from the Northwestern Campus. “We drove like three hours to get from Waukesha to Northwestern, and on the tour we saw downtown Chicago from just outside Norris. I had no idea you could see Chicago from Northwest Illinois!” Stralisky said. “I have family in Dubuque, so it’ll be great to be just a short drive from the Iowa border in case
EVANSTON — Everyone at Chris Collins’ press conference was waiting to ask the obvious question: what will he do to improve NU basketball’s CTECs? Coach Bill Carmody, who was fired after thirteen years of employment, saw the reported amount of time in practice drop dramatically on his CTECs, as well as low ratings for stimulating interest in the subject and overall rating of the instruction. For years, players have had plenty of time to fill out their basketball CTECs, since