EVANSTON—As freshman Jared Blumenthal prepared to go to sleep last Thursday night, he did not think he would be setting history. However, as he turned off his desk lamp, he quipped, “I love lamp,” a quote from the Will Ferrell comedy Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. At the moment the words left his mouth, streamers rained down from the ceiling. Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” began to play as Bob Barker entered the small dorm room to make a big announcement: Blumenthal had just made the millionth out-of-context Anchorman reference.

“The shock still hasn’t worn off,” explained the startled freshman, “I knew I was making an incredibly obvious and ill-fitting reference, but I didn’t realize it was such a significant obvious and ill-fitting reference.”

The university plans to commemorate the occasion by screening Anchorman at Tech Auditorium this Saturday, allowing the three NU students who haven’t it to leave their rocks and join in on the out-of-context quotation bonanza. Blumenthal is expected to give a keynote address before the film. “It’s an honor to be such an important part of Anchorman-quoting history,” he said, “this is a proud day for douchebags everywhere.”

In other news, junior Keith Remsen quoted a line from the cult film Eraserhead for the third time ever. There was no notable celebration, but his two friends were seen chuckling contently to themselves for getting the reference.

SKOKIE, IL—They said it was impossible. Well, believe it! Yesterday, parents of the Skokie eight-and-under Little Leaguers witnessed a feat once thought to be unreachable. In a stunning four inning 25 to 23 nail-biter, the Cubs upset the heavily favored Athletics to capture their first World Series title in 101 years.

There’s usually no crying in baseball, but there are exceptions, especially when the conversation involves the Cubs. “When I found out I was on the Cubs this season,” explained seven year old Sam Sklare, “I started crying. The Cubs just never win. I wanted to be on a winning team.”

Many have speculated about the reason this popular franchise had gone so long without winning it all. “Whenever someone’s parents brought Kool Aid for the team snack,” second baseman Steven McMahon told Flipside reporters, “we would always lose. I think that had something to do with it.” Other theories include old man Barnaby’s black dog running across the field in 1969, denying a pet kangaroo entrance to the diamond in 1945, and Brett Eli’s stupid little sister reaching for a foul ball down the left field line in 2003. These theories are happily being put to rest.

It was a thrilling game on a cool Saturday morning. The Cubs’ starting pitcher went 2/3 of an inning, giving up thirteen runs on two hits, eleven walks, and thirteen errors. “[Zach Singer] gave us a great start. He almost threw two consecutive strikes,” noted Coach Dave. The Cubs rallied against the Athletics bullpen late in the bottom of the fourth until the game was stopped due to time constraints. A slow ground ball off the glove of the Athletics’ third baseman, subsequent throwing error by the Athletics’ left fielder, and a catching error by the Athletics’ catcher proved to be the difference.

“Coach Dave took us out for pizza afterwards,” added the Cubs’ right fielder. “I wanted to go to Disney World, but pizza is good too, I guess.” One of the two game baseballs will go directly to Cooperstown.

One of the team fathers told The Flipside at the game’s conclusion that “the coaching staff tipped off the umpire before the game. It’s amazing what a thirteen-year-old will do for twenty bucks.” Nonetheless, this is indeed a day for celebration.