EVANSTON—Katherine Eisner, a Weinberg economics major, was dismayed to hear that she would be once again learning about the famous Prisoner’s Dilemma in her game theory class. “Great,” sighed an exasperated Eisner, “just great. I don’t think it stuck the first 12 times I learned it, but 13th time’s the charm, right?”

“The Prisoner’s Dilemma is a fundamental and central example in the field of game theory,” explained Joan Docter, Eisner’s professor, “and it is impossible to proceed without first reviewing this basic concept.” Eisner’s reply was simple: “I really don’t care. I swear to god, if I hear about each individual’s likelihood to defect one more time, I will flip. There won’t be any hope for a cooperative equilibrium after that.”

“I would ignore it,” the junior explained, “but I know there will be that one question on the test about tit for tat, and that shit always gets me. I don’t have a choice besides showing up and listening to the definition of ‘iteration’ again.”

Eisner believes that the constant repetition of the Prisoner’s Dilemma prevents students from learning more important concepts. “We could be learning about so many more interesting things if not for this damn concept. For instance, every time I think about the Prisoner’s Dilemma, I get a headache. I guess there’s a causal link between the two. Now there’s something that would be interesting to learn about.”

EVANSTON—When sophomore economics major Mark Richman signed up for PHIL 181: “Introduction to Ethical Decision Making”, the news surprised most other economics majors, who comprise approximately half of the undergraduate population. This shocking attempt at an escape from the norm came to an end when it was revealed that Richman dropped the course recently in favor of ECON 294: “Seminar – Risky Business: Is It Really That Bad?”

The Dow Jones Industrial Average jumped 38 points after Richman requested the schedule change; officials at Butner Federal Correctional Complex in Raleigh reported that inmate Bernard Madoff let out a “disturbingly evil laughter” at the same moment.

When prompted for an explanation to this sudden change of heart, Richman responded simply saying “Well, I only signed up for that ethics class to get distribution credit.”

“I’m not really that surprised,” reported Jane McLynn, a junior majoring in economics who briefly contemplated taking an ethics course while “completely stoned” last winter. “Why would any econ major choose ethics over an econ seminar? Business schools probably hate those classes.”

Researchers at Kellogg School of Management were able to calculate that after dropping out of the ethics course, Richman will potentially be able to increase his personal worth by approximately $15,623. The research team noted that the ethics course could have resulted in lost opportunities in the financial sector and a “general loss of drive and self-importance.”

The move has so far triggered no protests other than from Richman’s roommate, McCormick sophomore Jack Enghoff, who lost his “alone time” as a result of Richman’s schedule change.