I just heard about this absolutely fabulous social house (it’s not the same as a restaurant, but I won’t expect you to know the difference) from Stefon called Found. Once he said that it had both fried chicken and caviar on the menu, I knew I would die if I didn’t go there. So, this past weekend, my girlfriends and I decided to head over, and, let me tell you, it was the absolute best culinary experience I’ve had since my $275 pasta with truffle sauce from Nello in New York City.

I knew it was going to be a great night right from the moment I saw that the bar stools resembled folding chairs. It was just so avant garde. I mean, the symbolism of folding chairs at a restaurant as nice as Found!

For drinks, I ordered the Found Punch, which is basically their drink du jour, and it vaguely reminded me of Jungle Juice. It was amazing! Who would’ve thought that there’d be a Jungle Juice-esque drink at a place like Found!? The symbolism never ends.

When it came time to order, I was overwhelmed – I didn’t know what to get! I mean, I’d been craving chicken liver mousse with bacon marmalade all day, but the kale and Swiss chard salad sounded divine. They even had a baby lettuce salad! I’ve heard it’s so much better than adult lettuce. But alas, I ended up choosing the chicken liver mousse.

The chicken liver mousse had the perfect texture to be a mousse and not a pate. So many restaurants get it wrong, and it ruins my meal every time that happens. If I order a mousse, I expect a mousse. But hey, I guess that’s what separates a social house from a mere restaurant.

Despite my dish being so tasty, the best plate of the night was definitely the root vegetable and quark flatbread that Brittney ordered. At first, she was a little confused as to why the menu specified that the flatbread was made from quarks, because, obviously, all baryonic matter is made from quarks. How could the treasure that is Found make such an egregious error? This was all until I informed her that quark is actually a type of cheese. It’s very uncommon in the United States, but, being as cultured as I am, I knew what it was. The flavors of the root vegetables and the quark cheese melded so well together, it was as if I couldn’t distinctly taste each individual root vegetable (which is a great feat when dealing with a palette as finely tuned as mine).

Overall, our check came out to $127 before tax and tip –not bad at all. This place is a must-go, dear Flipside readers. 5/5 stars.

EVANSTON—Phi Mu Alpha, Northwestern University’s premier fraternity, has recently decided to invest the majority of its funds on estrogen pills in order to attempt to fit in with their neighboring sorority sisters. Located at 626 Emerson Street, the house is situated in the middle of sorority row. Recently, the musical brothers discovered that their neighbors are, in fact, female. As a result of this shocking find, many of PMA’s residents have become overwhelmingly self-conscious and distraught because of their distinct physical builds.

President Matthew David Watras commented, “Many of the residents have been scared to leave the frat house. In fact, four of our brothers have been discovered hiding in a closet for the past week. I mean, what do you expect? We just don’t fit in here. But this is our home, and we can’t let it fall apart.”

Determined to keep the brothers’ morale and confidence afloat, Watras and other frat leaders realized that the pharmaceutical industry could save the group.

“These pills will give us the curves and figures that we’ve been longing for; but more importantly, they will help make us feel like we belong,” said Watras. “We tried padded bras at first, but the effects are disappointingly temporary.”

The PMA’s will eventually be taking a group trip to CVS in order to purchase their deserved and much-needed female hormones. As an ensemble, they plan on marching through the streets of Evanston, instruments in hand, playing Christina Aguilera’s “You are Beautiful” to signify their newfound pride and confidence. If the effects of the pills successfully manifest, the fraternity should no longer be agoraphobic. Yes, PMA might PMS because of their new investment. However, they will have finally found their place in sorority row.