CHICAGO—Celebrations at Sunday’s Bank of America Chicago Marathon came to a crashing halt when one of the participants suffered from a runner’s high overdose.

Thomas Peters, 36, collapsed when his muscles ceased to function just before the twentieth mile marker. He was promptly carted off to Rush Medical Center, where he was treated and is currently in stable condition.

Peters, a self-proclaimed “marathon junkie,” has run in over 300 marathons during his lifetime, including 40 races in the last twelve months. Said Peters from his hospital bed, “The high that I experienced after the first marathon was just so incredible; I’ve been trying to match that feeling ever since.”

Rush Chief of Medicine Dr. Richard Dunn told the Flipside of the dangers of runner’s high: “Many people do not consider [runner’s high] to be as dangerous as other drugs like heroin or cocaine, but I have seen it ruin lives time and time again. What begins as a feeling of self-confidence and accomplishment can quickly develop into a life-threatening physiological dependence on exercise.”

The National Institute on Drug Abuse recommends combating running addictions with a process called “comparative therapy,” which consists of exposing addicts to activities more enjoyable than running, such as watching television while eating fast food.

EVANSTON—A typical sunny January day in Evanston turned tragic when fourteen Northwestern University students were hit by three cars as they crossed Sheridan Road in front of the Arch. Fortunately, no one was killed, but the accident resulted in many injuries. Every day, NU students cross Sheridan by following the first person who decides to ignore the “Do Not Walk” sign. On this particular occasion, the leader of the pack was not capable of his duties.

Jack Smannikan, a sophomore in the School of Communication, decided to blow off some steam with a smoke after a tough week. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that Saturday was the last day to return his textbooks to Norris; he figured he wouldn’t need them for the quarter. “I put down the blunt, picked up all my books, and then did that cool slide-down-the-stair-railing thing like they do in all those high school TV shows,” Jack told us from his hospital bed. “I was still a little out of it, so I crossed Sheridan without looking both ways like my mommy told me… and that’s all I remember.”

Jack was then hit by a car and suffered a broken leg. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one hurt. Thirteen other Northwestern students who had been waiting to cross unwisely decided to follow Smannikan and were subsequently also hit by oncoming traffic. “Ever since I have been here, I have always waited at the side of the road until somebody crosses in front of me,” said Weinberg junior Emily Ju. “After the first person goes, everyone else who is waiting crosses with them. Why should I have to look to see if cars are coming? There were never any problems until yesterday”.

The administration is now contemplating installing a voiceover to alert students when it is okay to walk in addition to the already in place electronic sign. Alternatively, ASG has suggested the construction of a walking bridge over Sheridan Road using extra funding from the 40% profit margin attained by Norris textbook sales. Hopefully, one of the proposed measures will be taken soon, allowing NU students to cross Sheridan Road safely.