Tag Archives: Morton Schapiro
“His costume totally rejected gender binary,” said Veronica Keller, SESP ’20. “You honestly couldn’t tell if he was being slutty in a dude way or a girl way.”
Tuition Hike has already been met with intense scrutiny by some of the most renowned critics in the music industry.
Travolta pointed out academic buildings such as “Kierkegaard,” “Luddite,” “Annabel,” and, of course, “Trick Inspector.” The hopeful teenagers walked under “The Ache,” observed the beautifully painted “Rob,” and Instagrammed pictures of Chicago from the grassy “Lank Flank.”
Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
While Schapiro failed the definitive Packard-Woller Extraterrestrial Examination, the Tanzer-Pfaff Jewish Ratio found that the name “Schapiro” has the requisite 5:3 proportion of consonants to vowels, denoting a 78% probability of Jewishness.
As the only satirical newspaper on campus, The Northwestern Flipside feels proud (and obligated) to nominate its first annual Homecoming Court and recognize the most notable members of the Northwestern and surrounding Evanston community.
EVANSTON — Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro announced yesterday afternoon after his annual meeting with President Obama that he found the U.S. President’s tactics using drone strikes against American enemies extremely inspiring. “In fact,” President Schapiro said, “I am releasing an NU executive order right at this moment, and yes, per the latest ASG legislation nobody has read, I can do that, that the university administration is hereby allowed to launch drones against the enemies of the university.” The new
EVANSTON – Northwestern University seniors were surprised to learn that the 2012 Commencement Address would be delivered by a farmer named Paul from central Illinois. “I mean, I guess I understand how farming might be important in light of the food crisis in, like, Africa and whatever,” Weinberg senior Jonah Goldblum told Flipside, “but I was expecting someone a little more… academic.” Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro reacted to the lukewarm response to the farmer, saying, “This Spring, thousands of
EVANSTON – Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl announced Monday that she is permanently closing local iconic bar, The Keg of Evanston, due to repeated charges of underage drinking. Tisdahl explained, “When an establishment breaks the law, it must be warned, and then punished. When it continues to break the law, it must be shut down.” The announcement did not come as a surprise to Evanston residents, as Mayor Tisdahl has previously supported efforts to enforce Evanston’s “brothel law” and denied a