“Do I sometimes get jealous of other rankings and their hot Ivy League partners? Sure. But Morty is my man, and I think Northwestern University is a great school to be with,” the ranking said.
Tag Archives: Morty
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos tweeted, “Who’s Morty, and what the hell is Catcash?”
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
“Mr. Emerson’s heroic actions epitomize Whole-Brain Engineering.”
“Personally, I just enjoy it so much I figured the student body would appreciate it, too.”
“Furthermore, we believe that Morson’s humanities agenda influenced most, if not all, of Schapiro’s economic positions outlined in the book.”
After falling asleep during a board meeting, Morty explained that the all-powerful deity appeared in a dream and commanded him to build the 5-story, 30,000-square-foot temple.
“This definitely isn’t the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldn’t have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.”
“Morty doesn’t have a long attention span. Soon he’ll be caught up in his next misadventure and construction can continue as planned. No biggie.”
Repeatedly stopping to calm down the jittery college president, sources reported today that Northwestern landscaping officials told Morton Schapiro all about the birds and the bees.