LOS GATOS, CA—Users of the popular DVD distribution service Netflix were up in arms on Monday after the company ran out of copies of the popular comedy “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle,” a film popular with stoners all over the globe.

“Like, dude,” area Netflix user Ben Mellon told The Flipside, “not seeing “Harold and Kumar” on 4/20 totally messes with my chi. That one scene where they get the White Castle burgers is sweeeeet.”
Netflix spokesman Adam Field offered an explanation for the shortage of DVDs. “We usually get spikes like this around the time of the year a movie becomes relevant. Two weeks ago, as Easter approached, The Passion of the Christ was in high demand. Last week, during sex week, I’d like to see you try to find a copy of Muffy the Vampire Layer. These things happen.”

Stoners have found various ways to cope with the loss of their cult classic. Mellon explained that his girlfriend had received Milk from Netflix. “I tried to get high and watch, but that shit was dull. Made me real thirsty, too. Mmm. Milk.”

Another pair of stoners were admitted to Evanston Hospital after they attempted to ride a cheetah, imitating a famous scene from the film. After failing to find a cheetah, they attempted to ride a car instead. They are in critical but stable condition and are expected to remain in the hospital for the next couple of days.

LOS ANGELES—Stephen Hawking was given quite the stir earlier this week as his lead was robbed by some guy named Ted near the end of Wheel of Fortune. As Ted ventured on to accumulate even greater fortune in the Bonus Round, Stephen sat looking shocked and appalled, making guttural noises through his keyboard to express his frustration. “I never heard of this dude before, but he made it real hard for me to win” said Ted. “When he said he was the smartest guy on the planet, I knew he was for reals, so I kept my cool.”

The acclaimed author and mathematical genius who graduated from Oxford and Cambridge refused to comment on his loss. The audience credited the poor final round to his lack of pop culture knowledge. “For a man who knows so much about incredibly advanced mathematical concepts, you’d think Martin and Charley Sheen wouldn’t cause him so much trouble,” noted one audience member.

Co-host Vanna White was appalled as well. “Hearing that Stephen Hawking would finally appear on our show was incredible to say the least. What happened will go down in history.” Friends, family, and neighbors of Stephen Hawking noticed that after this traumatic event, Stephen became particularly reclusive. One neighbor commented, “The last time he was like this was when he was nearing his discovery on black hole emission! We all assumed he was onto something big until we noticed the constant supply of DVDs from Netflix filtering through his mail. It seems the focus of his mind may be shifting.”