“We were really trying to broaden our demographics,” noted the president of Popular Science, James Fallton. “The people who read our original publication tend to have many friends, go out on weekends, and have had a girlfriend or boyfriend at some point in their lives. That’s not who we’re trying to attract with Unpopular Science. We want the people who stood in line for hours to see the new Star Trek movie.”

The new magazine includes very few pictures, long-winded scientific journal-type articles, detailed and complicated graphs, and small text. “I love it,” Earth and Planetary Sciences major Pat Peterson. “It goes way beyond just stalactites and stalagmites. It even includes minerals. Minerals!”

It seems that after just one issue, the unpopular crowd has responded well to Unpopular Science. Geology is just that popular.

Facebook doesn’t care “what’s on my mind.” If they really cared, they’d change back to the old Facebook. Damn them. You know, why is everything that I post now considered “sharing?” Is this preschool or something? Facebook is for the big kids, not those little twerps who watch High School Musical all day (which is totally what I want to be doing but I can’t because I have to work).

Facebook actually has a vote out there. Can you believe that, a vote? Currently, 95% of people are against the new Facebook. 95%! Yet they haven’t switched back! The only explanation can be that they don’t intend to do anything. The existence of the poll is to give people peace of mind. Well let me tell you something, I have no peace in my mind, only hatred.

And don’t even get me started on whatever that shit is on the right side of the homepage. I mean really, what is that? Are they pictures which sometimes show up in the normal feed or are they groups and events? I don’t know. All I know is, New Facebook has ruined my life!