FUNAFUTI, TUVALU – Willy Telavi, Prime Minister of Tuvalu, was informed Friday that his nation had been sold at auction to the same man who purchased “The Scream.” Although the famous Munsch painting sold for a record $119.9 million May 2, Tuvalu went for a paltry $15 million, though this is admittedly more than twice as large as Tuvalu’s annual budget.
The purchaser is determined to remain anonymous, unwilling to divulge to the public his true identity and just how many bazillions of dollars he has. However, it came as no surprise when he purchased the Pacific Island nation; with a GDP of only $36 million, the mystery purchaser was easily able to afford it.
Foreign Relations analysts can only speculate what the purchaser will do with his new nation. Gordon Gordonson of the BBC commented, “All we know is that he likes ‘The Scream.’ He likes art, so maybe he’ll turn Tuvalu into an art gallery. He likes screaming, so maybe
he’ll order the Tuvaluans to yell at him. And honestly, anyone who spends that kind of money for ‘The Scream’ must be kind of angsty, so it’s my bet that he’ll turn the nation into a human safari, like in ‘The Most Dangerous Game’ by Richard Connell.”
Tuvaluans are for the most part happy about the purchase. Governor General Iakoba Italeli said in an exclusive interview with The Flipside, “Despite being an independent nation since 1978, we still submit to the God-blessed authority of Her Majesty Elizabeth II. As Governor General, I perform the duties of the Queen in her absence. Which is always, because she never comes here. God save the Queen.”
Italeli is therefore excited to submit to the rule of the unknown purchaser. “I hope it’s Mitt Romney,” said Italeli. “He’s so handsome, he seems like a nice guy, and he’d totally buy a nation. Things aren’t looking too good for him in the American election.”