EVANSTON—A new fraternity has recently joined the 17 nationally-recognized fraternities at Northwestern. Informally dubbed the “Hipster Frat,” the organization is currently unnamed. According to president Hudson Tyler, undecided Weinberg junior, frat names are too “mainstream” for the group.

The fraternity claims that with its laid-back atmosphere it will offer an
“alternative” experience at a college where everyone on North Campus except the Slivka kids are involved in Greek life.

With a toss of his unwashed bangs, member Charles Kingston assured that the frat won’t haze pledges. New members will, however, be expected to get ironic tattoos. Kingston then pointed to a tattoo of a connect-the-dots puzzle in the shape of a flying giraffe emblazoned on his protruding hip.

Last week, a Flipside writer was invited into the frat house, ostensibly because of her small frame and ambiguous ethnicity. The presence of a reporter was apparently a point of contention within the group; as Jude Winthrop, a Jazz Studies and Gender Studies double major, explained, “We want to be underground; we don’t want this piece to make us well known, but we also don’t want to be like one of pretentious secret societies at Harvard. It’s tough.”

Tyler told a Flipside writer that the house is off campus, in a part of Evanston that hasn’t yet been “gentrified.” Upon entering the frat house, our writer documented scattered Threadless t-shirts, worn-out Chuck Taylors and posters of bands no one has ever heard of. When our writer noticed a stack of Urban Outfitters catalogs, one brother nervously pushed them aside, claiming the guys who live in the building fill their wardrobes strictly with vintage clothing. The house, which runs on solar energy, also has an organic garden complete with compost, where brothers can feel environmentally elite for picking their own fruits and vegetables.

To the question of his conformity to the subculture, Tyler vehemently denied the accusation, saying “What? No, man, I’m not one of those fucking hipsters.”

Offended, he then placed neon DJ headphones over his ears and returned to reading Pitchfork.com on his iPad.

EVANSTON—Yesterday was another glorious day for the studious residents of Slivka Science and Engineering Residential College. Birds were chirping. Pencils were scribbling away at organic chemistry problems. Nintendo 64 controllers were being thrown in frustration during rousing matches of Super Smash Brothers. There was not a public display of affection to be found. There was nothing atypical about this kind of day, or any day in the past one hundred years.

McCormick, Northwestern’s school of Engineering, has begun celebrating its centennial anniversary. It is a time for us to observe and admire the evolution of the school and engineering itself. For many students, however, change is not something they see when they look back.

“The kids who attended McCormick back in the day,” explained McCormick freshman Zach Sneer, “are really no different than today’s students. Let’s be honest: we’re still doing our homework and not having sex; that’s a given. Yeah, they didn’t have video games back then, but if they did, engineers totally would have been playing them all the time.”

Most of the McCormick students today are honoring their founders by upholding past traditions. “Look, we’re not going to change anything here,” Slivka President Sam Farrine told The Flipside. “We’re going to pay tribute to our one hundred years by doing what we’ve always done best: homework, video games, abstinence. Star Wars could be thrown in there somewhere, obviously. It’s a rather powerful equation if I may say so myself. Almost as powerful as the Schrödinger equation.”

The students who refuse to keep these three guidelines, says Farrine, usually “transfer to Weinberg or the School of Communication.” You know, something that’s not miserable.

Dear The Northwestern Flipside,

Mitch Skillman

Dear Mitch,

I’m glad you asked, as there are a lot of really cool places where really cool people hang out and do really cool stuff. For instance, there is a popular vampire-themed dance club in the 28th sub-basement of Tech. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with Twilight, many engineers simply find that long hours in Tech tend to instill a fear of the sun they haven’t seen in years and a taste for the blood of humanities majors.

For those looking for an older, more experienced crowd, Pick-Staiger includes a swingers club which is run in conjunction with the Northshore Retirement Hotel. Also not to be underestimated is the Cliff Diving Club, which meets on the lakefill at 2:00 on Wednesday mornings. While it is true that nothing even slightly resembling a cliff can be seen within miles of the lakefill, it’s certainly entertaining to watch them try.

Finally, for the truly adventurous, the nightly orgies on the roof of Slivka are not to be missed, especially in January. And you wondered why they never go outside.