Half of Astronaut’s Salary Goes to Beer for the Trip Up

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Atlantis’ astronauts grabbed hold of the Hubble Space Telescope at the end of last week, quickly setting their sights on the unprecedented spacewalking repairs they will attempt over the next couple of days.

“It’s going to be tough,” explained head astronaut, Jim Bernstein. “My hands are shaking just thinking about it. One wrong move and we could float off into space.”

The Atlantis astronauts tried to keep cool on the way up as a way to cope with the difficult mission ahead. One astronaut, Dave Leighton, purchased thousands of dollars in beer to ease the stress. “The trip up is stressful enough. It’s a good way to keep cool. Plus, have you ever been drunk in space? It’s a shitload of fun.”

Other members of the Atlantis team joined in the revelry, citing the difficult task ahead of them as justification for getting drunk. “I’ve thrown up before, but it’s so different in space,” noted Jill Osterman. “If you’re not careful, there could be a nasty aftertaste.”

If the repairs don’t go as planned, the crew expects that they’ll have enough beer to forget their worries, at least for a couple more orbits around the earth. Mission control has had trouble communicating with Atlantis, so it’s possible much of the beer has been consumed.

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