Brett Favre Holds Press Conference to Announce Retirement from Press Conferences

MINNEAPOLIS—Minnesota Vikings quarterback and NFL great Brett Favre held a press conference today to announce that he would no longer be conducting press conferences. “This is a hard decision for me and my family,” Brett informed the media, “but I feel I can no longer execute solid press conferences like I could in Green Bay.” Favre then began crying and stated that he would offer no further comment.

The announcement came as a surprise to many, who didn’t think Favre wanted to break his streak of 269 straight postgame press conferences. Other members of the media were confused about how they would converse with Favre after games, but their questions were quickly answered when Favre announced a new Twitter account,, which he explained would “hopefully fill the hole in my heart left vacant by the departure of press conferences.”

Though some people admire Favre’s sincerity, others wonder if he can truly abstain from the limelight. There is speculation that Favre may come out of press-conference retirement as early as next week. At the time of this article, a rumor has circulated that Favre may call a press conference announcing his return to the press conference world. Favre has tried to clear up suspicions, stating, “I’m done with press conferences. Any press conference that speculates my holding a press conference to return to press conferences is not a legitimate press conference.”

ESPN has given great attention to Favre’s press-conference retirement. They have three reporters stalking Favre 24/7 to inform the public of his every move, hidden cameras placed throughout Favre’s house, and interviews scheduled with every player who has ever played alongside Favre. “We want to get everyone’s opinion on the development,” explained ESPN anchor Chris Berman, “after all, we can’t go two seconds without Brett Favre coverage, can we?”

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