Former Senator Larry Craig, Inspired by Tom DeLay, Reveals Passion for Tap Dancing
BOISE, ID—Former Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, publicly confessed his “great love” for “the glorious art of tap-dance” on a press conference Tuesday.
He started his press conference with a string of praise for former Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Texas, whose recent performances on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” has triggered a dancing boom among the echelons of former Republican politicians.
“A star is born,” squealed the former senator, discussing DeLay’s performance Monday night. “I knew that under his ‘hammer’ persona, there was a bad boy, a naughty boy who could shake his booty like that.”
It was an understood fact within the D.C. circles of politics that under the strict codes of the Bush Administration, members of the Republican Party were not allowed to publically engage in “dancing”, or what might pass as dancing among old, white men. However, political analysts noted that the enforcement of this rule has softened since Karl Rove managed to terrify the audience at the Radio and Television Correspondent’s Dinner while showing off his moves in 2007, only to be completely shattered by Tom “Da Hammer” DeLay this fall.
Sen. Craig went on to discuss his career-ending arrest at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport on June 11, 2007, the event he now describes as a “misunderstood practice session”.
“Tiled airport bathrooms are perfect for practicing tap when you’re not wearing your tap shoes,” explained Sen. Craig. “Had I the courage and pride to come out to the press and say ‘yes, I am a Republican, and I love to tap’, I’m very sure that I would have kept my job as a Senator.”
The former senator ended his press conference by asking voters to support Rep. DeLay by working the phones, encouraging other Republican politicians to join his movement to turn the Republican Party into a “Dance Party”, and announcing that he will be moving to New York City to audition for Off-Broadway productions while working part time jobs around the city’s public toilets.