Santa Shot Down
WASHINGTON—In a series of events that still remains unclear, the United States military came forward Tuesday and announced that Santa and his sleigh had been shot down by anti-aircraft artillery on December 24th.
According to military sources, Santa entered a declared no-fly zone over Israeli airspace at 11:39 PM local time, at which time the Israeli Air Force dispatched two F-16s to intercept Santa. After multiple failed attempts at radio contact, the two aircraft were given the authorization to shoot down the sleigh.
Speaking in a press conference for the first time since the incident, Santa stated, “I am not sure who made the final decision to shoot me down, but I have had a standing appointment on Christmas Eve for the past two thousand years. I don’t care that they’re Jewish, you can be sure that somebody is going to end up on my permanent naughty list.”
After the incident, Santa was allowed to continue the night’s operations using a plane on loan from the Air Force; however, due to the time lost in the incident, Santa was forced to accelerate his schedule and made the decision to skip Iraq, saying “they probably won’t even notice.” Spokesmen from the North Pole say it will be some time until the repairs will be completed on Santa’s sleigh, but assured Flipside reporters that the work will be completed in time for next Christmas.