[Future Issue: 2161] BK Introduces Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large Size

EVANSTON – In an effort to keep up with McDonald’s Super-Duper combo size, Burger King recently introduced the Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large size.

This new gigantic portion of food features a 3-pound bag of fries and a 136-ounce bucket of your favorite soft drink to complement your burger.

Burger King CEO Mike Borowitz is pleased with the new size’s large success since its unveiling in Evanston last Friday, adding that the board of trustees knew the town would be the perfect neighborhood for the long-awaited introduction.

In light of the recent return to prohibition in Evanston, Northwestern students have begun to switch their party drug of choice from alcohol to marijuana, prompting even higher sales at the local Burger King.

Weinberg sophomore Eric Jameson who is ecstatic about Burger King’s new ploy, said,   “More Burger King? Whoa.”

Due to the sudden rise in demand for cheap and bountiful food, Burger King’s sales have almost tripled over the past month and continue to rise.

Sales are steadily rising at BK’s Mars location as well, probably due to the fact that there is still nothing to do there besides eat and go lava-rafting.

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