Creepy Senior Upset No More High School Girls at Dillo Day

EVANSTON – McCormick senior Joshua Manley said Thursday that he was “really bummed” that high school students would no longer be allowed to attend Dillo Day. “I totally liked checking out those hot 17-year-olds every year. I’d give them a beer or seven and boy was Dillo Day the best day ever.”

Manley’s best friend Aaron Jacobson felt similarly. “Like, why should I even bother coming to Dillo Day anymore? I can get drunk anywhere, any time. I can see better live music in Chicago. I mean, Steve Aoki headlining? Really?”

Manley agreed. “It was the people who made Dillo Day special. And this rule banning high schoolers from Dillo Day is taking away the people, taking away what made it special.”

“On the bright side,” said Jacobson, “at least we won’t be arrested for sexual harassment this year.”