With Family Weekend Looming, Students Clean Room for First Time

EVANSTON – Approximately one month after leaving home for the first time, dozens of underclassmen have been frantically cleaning their dorm rooms for the first time ever. During their first month of college, these students have been continuously lying to their parents about their cleanliness and organizational habits, saying that college forces them to be much more on top of things than they were back home.

In an attempt to sell the lie to their parents when they come to campus for Family Weekend, these students are now scrambling to clean up. Many have found it necessary to ask their Community Assistants how to properly use a vacuum.

Jamie Upshaw, a Medill freshman living in Allison, remarked, “All of the trash bins in the hallways are overflowing because people are finally throwing things away from Welcome Week. When we heard Allison felt like a hotel, I think we assumed there would be maids and room service.”

Upshaw continued, “The laundry machines are all filled up. My roommate is doing laundry for the first time in four weeks. The saying ‘If it don’t smell, you can’t tell’ has finally worn off.”

Cody Glover, a Weinberg student living in Elder, is glad his parents are coming. “There is a peculiar smell coming from my room. I had hoped to find it before my parents came on Friday, but then I realized I don’t really give a shit what they think. They’re coming over, so let them find it.”

The students in Hinman who created the ball pit in their room still have no plans for cleaning it up. They are hoping their parents’ reactions will also make the front page of Reddit.

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