Michigan Passes Right to Twerk Bill
LANSING, MI — Michigan recently passed controversial changes to the state’s Twerker’s Rights Laws and has the rap video ho community up in arms. Right to Twerk is an initiative that allows rap video hos to be selected off the street without having to pass through a standard audition process. According to rap video ho extraordinaire Ivana Humpalot, famous for having the credit card swiped through her ass in Nelly’s “Tip Drill” video, “Auditions involve sleeping with a member of the rapper’s entourage and hooking your way up through the ranks until things come to (a) head with the rapper himself.”
Proponents of Twerkers rights generally argue their viewpoint from an economic perspective. Twerk Study student Rochelle Jones articulates the reasoning thusly: “Having to sleep with all of the hos before shooting the video leads to increased costs for the job-creating rappers. Hos that you have slept with demand higher wages and benefits like condoms, birth control, and child support. This has made music videos prohibitively expensive. So, rappers choose to film their videos in states like Michigan that have more biznezz friendly policies such as Right to Twerk. ”
Twerker’s Rights Laws are very popular with those in the rap industry. In fact, 2 Chainz is a vociferous supporter of the new laws, declaring, “All I want for my videos is a big booty ho. As long as she shows up every twerkday, I don’t care if my posse and I have slept with her yet.”
Opposition to the law comes mainly from seasoned rap video hos who had to play the game to get ahead. According to veteran sexpert Amy Lang, “Sleeping with the singers and production crew is our way of negotiating better rights. Orgies, also known as collective bargaining, are an especially powerful tool to ensure safe working conditions and good treatment. By sleeping with the stars, living wages and pensions for all hos were all put on the very same table we banged on.”
The opposition’s complaints stem from the fact that the hos who did not have to sleep with the rapper first are gaining benefits that the other hos had to twerk harder for. In other words, they are free riding, which isn’t usually a problem in the ho community, but in this case, the consequences can be horrible. By passing Twerker’s Rights Laws and unleashing a glut of lower paid hos into the market, bizznezzez will take their videos away from some states and bring them to others. The job market therefore isn’t being stimulated, but rather there is a race to see which state gets to be bottom bitch.
As of press time, twerkers have started protesting in front of 2 Chainz’s concerts chanting, “bad bitch contest you in first place.”