Professor Segues To Segue

EVANSTON — Northwestern Media Studies professor Miles Head entered into a ten-minute-long series of conceptual segues last Tuesday while attempting to explain the syllabus to his “History of the Hyperlink” class.

The first segue occurred as Professor Head wrapped up his discussion of the syllabus’s “Academic Honesty” section, referring to a “network of scholarly communication.” He then told the class, “and speaking of networks, boy, do I have quite the in-class technology policy.”

Students reported that at this moment the professor’s mouth jammed and disgorged an astonishing series of segues linking topics as disparate as the Taj Mahal, Chik-Fil-A, and a student’s belly-button ring. Professor Head would no sooner arrive on one topic than blow past it with an immaculate segue into the next, combining maniacal ease with an inability to impart any meaningful information to the class.

Weinberg sophomore Dylan Dormer said, “Some real wacko shit was coming out. He at one point said, ‘cows are sacred in Indiana, you know, near the Taj Mahal, and speaking of holy cow, have you checked the price of lard lately?’ And at that point I just whispered to my friend Frederica, and was like, ‘He’s gone segue-crazy!’ But she was totally into it.”

Frederica Hughes, sophomore Religious Studies and RTVF double major, compared Head’s display to the 1976 film Network. She said, “Wow, it was like this really meta Howard Beale-y fuguepodge of ecstasy, despair, and prophecy. I detected some hope in there too, as well as constipation and, yes, a smidge of paprika! It was like he was staring at us from behind a thick pane of glass, imploring us to save him. I mean, I’m not, like, religious, or anything, but I think I’m going to see if he’ll baptize me.”

Hughes studied her syllabus and added, “If only I could find his office hours.”

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