Cop Gets Denied at the Door of Tappa Tappa Keg

EVANSTON — Police officer Bob Hankervich went to the frat quad this previous Saturday night to investigate reports of underage drinking. As he walked up the stairs to the frat in question, Tappa Tappa Keg junior George Kerry got ready to deny another dweeb.

The cop approached Kerry assuming he would step aside, but instead he stood firmly in front of the door and offered a “what’s up bro?” with an introductory head nod.

According to Northwestern Police records, Hankervich responded, “There were some reports of underage drinking in here so I’m here to check it out.”

“I mean obviously we throw down,” Kerry answered. “Do you have a text from a brother?”

“Uhhh, actually I have a call from a concerned Evanston resident,” said Officer Hankervich.

Reports indicate that Kerry was not having it. “Look bro, I knew you were a GDI the moment you got to the door. I don’t know who told you this was a themed party but I don’t quite see where you’re going with this cop outfit. Maybe if you had a good ratio I would’ve considered letting you in, but you didn’t show up with a single girl. I’m sorry bro but it’s just not happening tonight.”

Witnesses told The Flipside that Hankervic, astonished by the harsh rejection he had just received, forgot about his professional duties and stepped away from the frat house rager.

Officer Hankervich later tried to bust three more frat parties, attempting to boost his confidence, but instead was told he should “fuck off and go to NU Nights or something.”

Consequently, NU Nights was shut down for the first time ever. However, reports say that the four students at NU Nights were actually thankful this happened because this incident was the coolest thing that’s happened to them in a while.

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