Sex Week “Seems a Little Short This Year”

EVANSTON — Northwestern students have been grumbling that Sex Week seems a little short this year. Students from all over campus have approached The Flipside to express their concerns about lackluster performance.

According to SESP sophomore Stephanie Morgan, “It just doesn’t seem as well-endowed as it did last year. The Great Condom Pyramid has been replaced with the Small Condom Pile.”

Weinberg senior Ralph Abernathy added, “Instead of Trojan Magnum this year, they’re giving out Trojan Slim-fit. It just feels like Sex Week is just pushing rope instead of actually putting in effort to make the seven-roper tug-of-war event a success.”

When asked to comment on their failure to come and meet expectations, Sex Week Committee member Dante Robinson said, “Because certain major donors have left us out in the cold this year, we have had to shrink to half staff. However, we know how to use the girth and resources that we have to provide Northwestern with an amazing Sex Week experience.”

Sex Week Committee chair Sydney Webber also noted, “We feel like Sex Week grows on you, even if it seems small at first glance. Sex Week is a grower, not a show-er.”

As of press time, Sex Week has hired someone to fluff and groom a few of the minor events around the edges in order to make it appear longer.

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