Class Delayed Ninety Minutes by Incessant Shushing
EVANSTON – Commotion erupted last Thursday in the Northwestern Technological Institute as the 2P.M. Chemistry 207 class occupied LR3 for almost forty minutes longer than scheduled. Sources say the professor, Dr. Irving Lestrade, was unable to begin class due to students shushing each other’s shushing.
“I tapped on my microphone a bit, which got them to stop talking. Then someone in the back went ‘Shhhhh,’ and someone else ‘Shhhhh’ed’ back at him. Pretty soon, everyone was constantly making that damned noise so I couldn’t get a word in,” stammered an obviously disturbed Dr. Lestrade. The professor has since been receiving emotional therapy in an attempt to soothe the trauma inflicted by the incident.
The shushing continued for ninety straight minutes, eventually ceasing when Dr. Lestrade suffered a panic attack and entered a catatonic state at the podium.
“Look, this wouldn’t have happened if everyone would’ve just listened to me,” said literally every person in the room. “I was trying to get them all to shut up but they just kept making those annoying sounds with their mouths.” When asked if they were being quiet, all ninety students responded by saying “Of course not, I was trying to get everyone else to shut up so Dr. Lestrade could start class.”
Sources confirmed that no one in the room accomplished anything that day except for the kid in the back who finally won 2048.