Columbus, Ohio changes name to Indigenous People, OH
COLUMBUS, OH – In a landmark effort to eradicate the centuries of misfortune and grief caused to Native Americans, the city formerly known as Columbus, Ohio has passed legislation to change its name to “Indigenous Peoples, Ohio.” Since its founding in 1812, the city has honored the explorer of the same name, who is credited with discovering North America. However, Christopher Columbus’ true legacy is the genocide of the indigenous people and the start of countless atrocities committed against Native Americans.
The change was announced Monday in a press conference held by mayor Michael Coleman. “It is time for a change,” he proclaimed. “For far too long this city has honored a man who should be condemned. This new name will usher in a new era of tolerance and diversity for the greatest city in Ohio.” Tribal leaders and politicians alike have commended him for his bold decision.
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well. Homemaker Karen Wallace, who was born and raised in the neighborhood surrounding Ohio State University, feels it was long overdue. “When my kids told me what Christopher Columbus did to those poor Indians—I mean Native Americans—I was horrified. Our wonderful city shouldn’t be named after a bad, bad man like that. I’m glad the mayor finally decided to do something about it.”
At press time, students at Oberlin College had created a petition to change “Columbus Day” to “Michael Coleman Day” to honor his bravery in the fight for political correctness.