Area Freshman Nails Mother’s Day with E-Card
PHILADELPHIA – Reports from Jack McDonald’s, WCAS ’19, hometown of King of Prussia indicate that the Northwestern freshman fucking slayed the game this Mother’s Day with an e-card from 123cards.com.
“When I saw ‘firstname.lastname@example.org has sent you an e-card’ in my inbox, why, my heart was all of a flutter,” Macy McDonald said at a press conference outside the McDonalds’ home. “I’m just so blessed to have a son who cares about me so much.”
“I thought he might have splashed out for one of the premium Blue Mountain cards this year,” father Bob McDonald said. “But instead he opted for the free e-card site. Good economic sense, that’s my boy. That’s the economics major in him.”
News of Jack’s heroic performance this Mother’s Day has also inspired widespread admiration in Evanston. “After the usual amount of deliberation, we’ve decided to confer on this exemplary student a PhD in Gender Studies,” President Morty Schapiro said. “There’s obviously nothing left to teach him about the subject, now that we’ve seen his profound and insightful commentary on Mother’s Day.”
The e-card—a cartoon dolphin with sunglasses on it—arrived at 11:59 PM EST at the very end of the day, thoughtfully remembering time zones and using suspense to drive the message home. “Next year, I’ll have to up my game,” bragged the Weinberg freshman. “It might have to sing next time.”