Fraternity to Haze with Aggressive Emotional Support

For pledges at the Tappa Tappa Keg fraternity, entry into the club may be contingent on yet another layer of hazing: what one anonymous pledge described as “aggressive emotional support.”

While hazing is banned on campus, it is a surprise to nobody that TTK has long been at the forefront of innovative practices. TTK president Jeff McGee, WCAS ‘17, was contractually obligated to say, “Even the thought of hazing pledges with aggressive emotional support disgusts me, and I can assure you it does not happen at TTK.”

Despite that, multiple allegations are stacking up against McGee and the brothers at Tappa Tappa Keg regarding their cruel new technique. Freshman Tommy Randolph said, “I heard that over at TTK they force you to watch the end of Marley and Me on repeat until you cry. Then they console you with warm cookies, full body massages, and Spotify playlists made up entirely of Colbie Caillat songs. It’s more devastating than taking shots till we puke.”

One member of this year’s TTK pledge class, who preferred to remain anonymous, said, “They made me Skype my mom and tell her how much I love her while they repeatedly screamed ‘It’s okay to be vulnerable!’”

“I’m considering quitting TTK altogether. I wish they would just brand me or make me hold another pledge’s dick like all the normal frats do.”

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