Magician Who Pulled Quarter From Trump’s Ear Named New Treasury Secretary

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After his son’s 12th birthday party, President Donald Trump has recently announced that the party magician who pulled a quarter from his ear during the party is to be named the new Treasury Secretary. “After showing me just a fraction of his power, I have decided that the one and only ‘Duke the Amazing’ is to be the new Treasury Secretary, effective immediately,” announced President Trump on his twitter feed.

Trump has stated that given Duke’s ability to generate money from ears, combine two rings into one, and materialize rabbits from his hat, he is overqualified for the position. “With those kinds of skills, he should be running this place.”

Some, on the other hand, are confused by Trump’s decision, questioning his mental stability due to the fact that he believes magic is real and would give such an important post to some guy he just met. But conservative figures in the media have jumped to Trump’s defense over his decision. Kellyanne Conway has defended Trump’s choice by stressing how “open he is to new ideas, and that he’s truly draining the swamp by kicking out a Goldman Sachs millionaire for a true entrepreneur.” Former Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin has stated that “even though this costs me my job, I’ll gladly stand by Trump’s decision. Hell, I’ll defend Trump for just about anything, so this is a no brainer.”

When asked about his new job, Duke the Amazing, real name Devin Jackson, has stated that he is looking forward to it, “since it beats getting paid $12 an hour to entertain some kids.” In preparation for the next cabinet meeting, Duke has been learning how to use a Chinese finger trap in an effort to convince Trump to impose tariffs on China.

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