New À-La-Carte Major Lets Students Pick R, TV, or F

Friday, after a long and strenuous debate, Northwestern’s RTVF department has decided to allow students pursuing the major to choose between radio, television and film.

According to local sources, students have been piling into Annie May Swift over the past few days, eager to fill in the bubble next to their chosen specialization within the major.

“I was so tired of being RTVF, you know?” said Ezra Jones, SoC ’19, “Now when I go home, I can just tell my parents I’m a TV major. So much simpler.”

Jones’s parents were unavailable for comment, but sources say their disappointment in their son has grown and they worry he will never get hired with a degree that says Bachelor of the Arts in TV.

Jerry Winkler, SoC ’20, is especially psyched for the change. “I can finally say I’m a film major! Other schools make it so simple, but Northwestern just had to go add the AND,” he said. “I’m glad they finally realized I don’t need radio in my DNA, or at all, ever, in any context.”

While many are allegedly relieved to no longer be questioned about their “radio major” when they spell out RTVF, Carly Oswald, ’18, has expressed extreme dismay. “Why couldn’t they have done this before I took the seven required radio classes?” she said. “Radio is a dying art, but now I’m so skilled at it I guess I’ll just host a morning show or something else lame.”

Recent reports reveal that there is even more animosity occurring because of this split, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the American Revolution. Professors in F are refusing to speak to those in TV, and R has already been ousted from the building completely. Sources say students who have an interest in both TV and F have been forced to major in linguistics because they are not fit for either TV or F if they plan to fraternize with the enemy.

Update: If anyone has extra space available in their office, the sole remaining R professor is looking for a place to stash his vintage ham radio collection. Contact him at (847)-555-5678.

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