The maiden voyage of the jewel-encrusted sea vessel had been scheduled for yesterday despite inclement weather warnings.
Author Archives: Grant Kegel
The fictional, magically-adept children were blown away by Paxton’s ability to balance picking up her kids from hockey practice, and working overtime to pay for their private schooling.
It became more and more apparent that everyone there was only there to sing, between quietly clapping at each other’s numerous renditions of “Shake It Off.”
“You go almost the entire winter, and you think, ‘maybe this season I’ll make it through without seeing some dude Jack-Frosting it outside my dorm, but that’s just how March goes.”
Experts say that this newfound popularity with recently divorced fathers has been the result of an increase in microwave ramen and Easy-Mac prices across the country.
“Do they mean, like, 10% of the population of whales? Or like, do they mean they get to keep a flipper or something?”
“Once I saw that Extra-Large Meat Lover’s pizza on the take-out menu, I was inspired by a burst of disinterest in my future. And the promise of bacon.”
Shower caddies are overrated. Golf caddies will carry your toiletries with flair, AND they’ll grab you a cocktail from the club’s bar for a tenner.
Rather than having to put in user details, the app uses the camera to do a facial scan and delivers a verdict of “Honey, No, Come on.”
“Sure, she’s not holding a solo front and center, but the ongoing keg stand and Jell-O shots behind the group kinda break the illusion that this was just a sober, intimate get-together among friends and also forty of their closest, shirtless fraternity friends.”