Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Author Archives: Michael Campbell
After a string of recent controversies, Northwestern publicly announced that its infamous alchemy program will end not with a whimper, but with a bang. Citing an increasing number of students suffering chemical burns and various other injuries involving transmutation, Dean of Phrenological Studies and Alchemy Zanzar Pralzaban announced the cessation of the storied program in a press release delivered by three-eyed falcon. “We are sad to say we will go away,” Pralzaban said, reading directly from the release at a
“This one’s for you grandma!” Blake yelled tearfully, emptying the contents of a dime-bag onto the polished teak and ripping a fat line off of his grandmother’s final resting place.
I’m not paranoid calling a shoveling service when I see snow piling up in my driveway I just don’t think it belongs in my community.
“Something about how they’re rubbing their little hands together synchronously, after a new raccoon joins the circle every sixth minute, just really freaks me out,” said Steven Kasmer, WCAS ’18.
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
why is it then that I feel vilified for rip-roaring my sweet steel power-mobile down from Tech to Kresge?
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
The Northwestern community wishes Freitag a quick and healthy re-integration and hopes that the temporary assistance will relieve his raccoon-based paranoia built up over these several trying months.
“Morty doesn’t have a long attention span. Soon he’ll be caught up in his next misadventure and construction can continue as planned. No biggie.”