“It was all done to help the campaign. Seriously, why don’t you try giving a speech with two plastic bags hanging off the sides of your face?”
Author Archives: Nathan Mostow
Beginning this quarter, the Frontera Fresco Mexican grill located in the Norris Center will now be open just fifteen minutes a week, from 4:30 A.M. to 4:45 A.M.
Multiple eyewitnesses observed the men exchange prolonged eye contact and a subtle nod as the sun glinted off their heads.
The player of the game was sixth-year senior Blake Peters, who finished with 22 points, 8 rebounds, 14 elbows, and 6 shoves.
In addition, sources in Schapiro’s office claim that the university president asked Fitzgerald to stop giving him wet willies, Indian burns, titty twisters, and swirlies.
“Everyone here says that the complaints I’ve heard back home are nothing compared to how much people complain during a real Chicago winter.”
Stoops brought himself within striking distance by forgoing a game-tying PAT in exchange for a failed two-point conversion, then broke the tie by deciding not to go for an onside kick.
“I can’t wait to personally feed every hardworking family’s Christmas tree into a wood chipper.”
“The hardest part of the class so far has been yelling swear words into my phone while shoving past families with young children.”
After falling asleep during a board meeting, Morty explained that the all-powerful deity appeared in a dream and commanded him to build the 5-story, 30,000-square-foot temple.