“Sometimes while doing the wash, I’ll look in the machine and see the purples swirl; and I swear the shirts are taunting me, mocking my puny existence.”
Author Archives: Turner Manley
“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
“In years past, the water bottles were the perfect symbol for productivity and refreshment. But these days we count ourselves lucky not to contemplate our mortality every 5 seconds.”
“We start each day by listening to Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ and ‘Yellow.’ Then we shuffle to the Lakefill with our heads pointed downward. Finally we pick up the slimmest of stones, muse on the mutability of existence, and ultimately launch the minerals into the vast unknown they call Lake Michigan.”
When “Mary” eventually responded, I almost threw my computer out the window for the second time.
Schwartz promptly began asking each and every stranger, “Are you my Wildcard? Are you my Wildcard?” Still, Schwartz sustained his virginity, whilst being bereft of Wildcard.
Inspired by some unknown ambition, she stripped stark nude, approached the stranger, and demanded, “Draw me like one of your French girls!”
“Most mornings, I wake up, check my phone and see a CNN or BBC notification that Trump has gutted the EPA or said something was racist, but this morning was weirdly peaceful.”
Many sources have speculated that this development will surely be good for Northwestern morale.
Despite the sea of people that also received her plea, you should feel honored. Be gratified.