“She just looked at me and said, ‘Deal with the grade you got or you’ll end up like the last one.’”
Category Archives: Featured
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Every single person in Norris today is blissfully ignorant of what they, and all humanity, will soon experience.
“We have only the finest and most authentic Chinese beer at this thing. If that doesn’t play out, pouring some soy sauce in Busch Light normally does the trick.”
“In our office, we always strive to make our tours inclusive, and today, that means including all those prospective students and their families that only understand forward-spoken English.”
“I emailed evites for my dog’s birthday party after six glasses of wine. It’s not an exceptional skill!”
“Our program strives to instill the values of public relations, media expertise, and heartless cynicism in all undergraduate students.”
“Do they mean, like, 10% of the population of whales? Or like, do they mean they get to keep a flipper or something?”
The glass ceiling in the atrium creates an image strikingly similar to your precious beau when they realized it wasn’t working between the two of you, and never would.
After a string of recent controversies, Northwestern publicly announced that its infamous alchemy program will end not with a whimper, but with a bang. Citing an increasing number of students suffering chemical burns and various other injuries involving transmutation, Dean of Phrenological Studies and Alchemy Zanzar Pralzaban announced the cessation of the storied program in a press release delivered by three-eyed falcon. “We are sad to say we will go away,” Pralzaban said, reading directly from the release at a