“I knew I should have put on my Willie the Wildcat apron before dishing out such a hearty bowl of chili.”
Category Archives: Latest News
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag “MeetMeAtNorris” allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
Local sources have reported that area freshman Barry Danovar reportedly said “Lol, more like Dildo Day, am I right” at a local party in an attempt to pick up chicks last night.
“I didn’t know what any of those words meant, but I figured I’d start with finding out who this Pusher Tee is.”
“The last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.”
“Morty floods our inboxes every day with notifications about yet another tuition hike and impassioned rants about why cats are better than dogs. Whenever a student objects, he immediately blocks them so that they can’t respond to his emails. Then, he goes onto their course pages and secretly changes the dates of all their midterms.”
“The best part is probably when you zoom in so much that everything becomes blurry and you can’t even find the singer on stage anymore. What a thrill!”
Reports from Mayfest sources indicate that Joey Badass will join Daniel Caesar, Whitney, and Young the Giant in the lineup for Dillo Day on June 2.
Sources have been reporting for the last few days that Northwestern President Morton “Morty” Schapiro has recently decided to bust out his temporary tattoo collection in preparation for Dillo Day.
In an effort to make STEM fields more relatable, faculty within the Chemistry department set-up a live stream of the Chem-132 final for 2 minutes before Twitch staff were inundated with horrified requests to end the stream. The live feed of students struggling to finish the final quarter of the general chemistry sequence was immediately flagged as graphic/violent content and Northwestern computers have been banned from using all Twitch streaming services.