The player of the game was sixth-year senior Blake Peters, who finished with 22 points, 8 rebounds, 14 elbows, and 6 shoves.
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Experts say that this newfound popularity with recently divorced fathers has been the result of an increase in microwave ramen and Easy-Mac prices across the country.
Northwestern University Health Services sent out an email last Monday reminding sick students to rest up, drink lots of water, and cough extra loudly in Mudd Library.
Morty will begin by sequestering all of NUPD (on and off duty) to blockade Sheridan from any traffic for one week before and after the parade
“We tried, we really did,” said BLAST president Anita Quizphe, WCAS ‘18.
The group has managed to expand their membership in the latest round of mid-midterm-season recruiting by an unprecedented three new members, only two of whom were Anglo-American.
“They were so efficient, the little rascals! They picked everything up, just like a person! But with the tiniest hands…!”
President Morton Schapiro, recently ranked “best current president of Northwestern,” told Flipside reporters after the dining hall report came out that he was happy to just be in the top ten for once.
After a string of recent controversies, Northwestern publicly announced that its infamous alchemy program will end not with a whimper, but with a bang. Citing an increasing number of students suffering chemical burns and various other injuries involving transmutation, Dean of Phrenological Studies and Alchemy Zanzar Pralzaban announced the cessation of the storied program in a press release delivered by three-eyed falcon. “We are sad to say we will go away,” Pralzaban said, reading directly from the release at a
A speed round begins with a 911 call for an ambulance, usually by a bystander or referee. The two players then attempt to sink as many pods as possible before the medical team arrives, with the loser answering the door.