Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Category Archives: Sci/Tech
After years of grueling research and testing, these researchers were thrilled to discover that the high rates of infidelity in male students on campus was due to the gene, and not just their shitty personalities.
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“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
“Games such as Raft Wars and the World’s Hardest Game will be the new norm, rather than the old useless resources such as CTECs and class descriptions.”
“Couldn’t some of Northwestern’s Hamilton ticket budget go to making a class registration site that doesn’t look like it was made in 1997?”
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
According to onlookers, the UChicago adjunct balled up his fist—full of scientific curiosity—and punched the “already-sobbing, tomato-faced little shit” square in the face.
CLEVELAND – From the ashes of recent tragedy, a new study out of Case Western Reserve University seems to confirm the not-wholly-unexpected fact that theatre majors are, indeed, flammable. The experiment sparked national attention when it was first published in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine earlier this month, taking heavy criticism for its potentially discriminatory attitude towards ESFJs—as measured by Myers-Briggs—and for its possibly unethical potential for grievous bodily harm caused by combusting theatre majors. Working off preliminary data
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.