The man will forego the typical commencement address to the graduating class in favor of walking silently amongst the rows of sitting students, placing a pale, scarred hand on the forehead of those he selects.
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Every single person in Norris today is blissfully ignorant of what they, and all humanity, will soon experience.
“In our office, we always strive to make our tours inclusive, and today, that means including all those prospective students and their families that only understand forward-spoken English.”
“This one’s for you grandma!” Blake yelled tearfully, emptying the contents of a dime-bag onto the polished teak and ripping a fat line off of his grandmother’s final resting place.
“They usually stock all the chips on the other side of the store, but for some reason these Tampax chips are over here with all the cough medicine.”
Later that night, students began to report sightings of a “giant, writhing, spider-like creature” near the Bobb recreation room.
“Fucking has always been the foundation of our relationship, and no amount of love we have can ever change that.”
“Towels are just so constricting, you know?” Stevens told the Flipside while sitting naked in a lounge.
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
“I’m actually kind of relieved. I thought he was angry at me because I’m black,” Howard said.