“I really wasn’t interested in Greek life because it’s inherently problematic and built on a history of racism and misogyny. But also like everyone signed up and I totally didn’t want to feel like a loser.”
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She keeps writing little notes with my name and sticking them on my door.”
He has already texted his parents about his date, and he hopes to get coffee on the Lakefill with her before it freezes over.
“He’s trying to pretend he’s Romeo when he comes off as a coked-up Charlie Sheen every time he talks to a girl.”
“I think we’ll all remain friends for most of our time here. Heck, we all wear the same purple t-shirts!”
Sanders is allegedly bewildered by this turn of events.
As she packed her bag to return to her rural Wisconsin home, sources report that she confided to a friend that she “feels insanely stupid” at Northwestern.
After receiving a B+ on her first assignment, Summers believes all she needs is a fresh start. “I just had to accept that this was a bump in the road,” she told her best friend Heather Heathers.
Sources indicate that although he had originally thought it was just named Bobb, he used the critical thinking skills that reportedly got him into Northwestern to deduce the dorm’s official name.
The Orange County, CA native informed the rest of her hall-mates that after nine AP classes, SAT tutoring and solving the state’s water crisis she’s slightly disappointed Northwestern hasn’t proved to be more of a challenge.