Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
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In addition, sources in Schapiro’s office claim that the university president asked Fitzgerald to stop giving him wet willies, Indian burns, titty twisters, and swirlies.
“We trust that you guys are responsible enough to spank yourselves with a paddle, so we’re not gonna check for bruises,” said fraternity president Jason Clover
“We just barely got out of there before Morty’s wrecking ball crew came in and demolished the whole frat quad.”
“Do I sometimes get jealous of other rankings and their hot Ivy League partners? Sure. But Morty is my man, and I think Northwestern University is a great school to be with,” the ranking said.
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos tweeted, “Who’s Morty, and what the hell is Catcash?”
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
“Mr. Emerson’s heroic actions epitomize Whole-Brain Engineering.”
“Personally, I just enjoy it so much I figured the student body would appreciate it, too.”
“Furthermore, we believe that Morson’s humanities agenda influenced most, if not all, of Schapiro’s economic positions outlined in the book.”