“We wanted to distance ourselves from this debate over work culture and proper mental care to focus on what we think the university really stands for. Money.”
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“Every time I hear her go ‘Havana ooh nana,’ a little part of me dies inside, and I feel my soul slowly wither away.”
Emerging reports indicate that as part of Sister Jean’s contract, “Northwestern Sex Week” will be officially renamed “Northwestern Fornication-is-a-sin Week.”
“Do I sometimes get jealous of other rankings and their hot Ivy League partners? Sure. But Morty is my man, and I think Northwestern University is a great school to be with,” the ranking said.
“I needed to find a way to make sure we won games,” Fitzgerald said, “and then it hit me, what would happen if we just got some points up on the board, and lo-and-behold, here we are today!”
“This explains so much about The Rock’s psyche,” he said to Flipside reporters, “It knows it’s a total failure compared to its cousin, so it covers itself in paint to mask its own inferiority complex. Truly fascinating.”
This is a foolproof list of creative locations that will have that hottie you’ve had your eye on ready to commit.
SOUTH BEND, IN — After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dame’s newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irish’s Saturday evening loss. “After such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to
Asshole Student Group Paints Over Emotionally Charged Message on Rock with Lame Advertisements for their Stupid Club
What kind of dicks paint over a racially significant message with white paint?
I personally had to wait to cross a street while his motorcade passed by. I thought pedestrians had the right-of-way, Mr. President.